Looking Back

This morning I've been thinking a lot about my past. How did I get to where I am today? -- Which was really preceded by... Where is my life going? What is going to be my legacy?

My life before E seems like a different life. I think - Was that really me doing all those things? "Those things" seem so irrelevant, but the truth is they are most relevant because they molded me into who I am.

Defining times...

7th grade. My gym teacher, Ms. Holiday, asked me to play on the school basketball team. Result - two years playing at a D1 university. Result of playing - dislocated shoulder, ankle reconstruction, lower back pain, multiple broken fingers,..., the list goes on.

8th grade. My math teacher, MRS. Fulk, told me I couldn't do math because I was a girl. Result - Master of Mathematics, 2004. Operations Research Analyst - Cost Estimator, Department of the Navy.

My whole life I was brought up in the Church. I value Life. I value my life. I valued the life of my daughter the moment I found out I was pregnant with her. What if I hadn't grown up a Christian? Would I have made a different decision when I found out I was pregnant? E's "sperm donor" asked me to have an abortion. It had never even occured to me.. that thought never passed through my mind. And now I have the most beautiful girl on the planet.

...

I read a Muddy Blogging post this morning on how you think people perceive you. I'm not sure, but I hope it's good.

I know my roommate's first perception of me was "tall" and "scary". She's 5' so I can see how she would say that.

I think my co-workers perception is "goofy, but a hard worker".

This thought process reminds me of a stand-up piece by Ellen DeGeneres. It goes something like -
"We spend so much time thinking about what other people are thinking about us, when they're just thinking about what other people are thinking about them."

I think I want people to think that I'm a fun-loving, kind person because that's the perception I have of myself.